Waiting...

     For those of you that know me, you know that patience is really not a strong point of mine. I like order, routine, a schedule, and generally to know what I'm waiting on or how long I will be waiting. With adoption, all this goes out the window.  We are approved for a child under the age of our youngest son (3 years) and have no specifications on gender or race. We could get a child up to the age of three or an infant. We could get called with a referral of a toddler up for adoption to come and start visits. We may get called today and be told there is a baby that's born and we have to leave immediately to pick him/her up. We may get a call today to say we have been chosen by a birth mother and she is due in April of 2013. We may not get chosen for weeks, or months, or... ever. I trust that God has placed us on this adoption journey because He has a child in mind that He wants to be in our family. But, I don't know if this child is yet born or even conceived. It really doesn't go well with my personality. I want to know. I want to plan. I want to know how much we need to save and what color to paint the baby room. If I really let myself think, I can get very stressed about the small details. Oliver, our youngest, is three. He has been out of diapers for over a year. It will be hard to go back into diapers and bottles. I really don't know how much of a gap I want in the ages of my kids. Owen is 8, Wyatt is 5, Oliver is 3. They are all about 2.5 - 3 years apart. That was unplanned, we had fertility issues. It all worked out. We survived.  I need to give it to God to worry about and when I do, I feel better. I need to focus on the child that needs us and on the baby that doesn't have a home. I will be very happy with an infant just as I would be happy with a toddler. I went from no diapers to diapers with each new child we brought home. This is not a new thought for me. It is also not a secret that I am not a huge fan of the first few months of life. God gives an unconditional love to parents that allows us to think the screaming bundle of joy is still cute. I am one of the strange people that would rather try to comfort a crying baby than hold a sleeping baby. I enjoy the challenge. I guess my point is God knows what is best for my family and He knows who needs us as much as we need him or her. He knows if it will be an infant or toddler and a boy or girl. It is the unknown and waiting that I have a hard time with.